Tag Archives: fitness

Mark Rippetoe, Happy 4th!

If Ripp said it, it’s probably true.

No, wait, it’s absolutely true and you’re a commie if you don’t agree.

Errr… whatever. Happy 4th!

RIPPfucks

“Just because some jackass asserts a thing does not mean that it is worthy of refutation. If the same guy tells you that every space shuttle launch perturbs the Earth’s orbit, and that the cumulative effects are just about to start the process of the loss of the atmosphere into space, thus creating a vacuum that will destroy all life on the planet in approximately 36 hours, would you deem this necessary to refute? How much time would you spend explaining to him why this cannot happen? Would not your time be spent better doing other things? And if you devise a concise explanation, why would you assume he would understand?”

“Yes, if you squat wrong it fucks things up. If you squat correctly, those same fucked-up things will unfuck themselves.”

“And the book is not any more expensive in Australia than it is here except for the shipping, which is what you get for living in Australia.”

“Poor form in the gym is caused by insufficient yelling.”

“Mediocre athletes that tried like hell to get good are the best coaches”.

“You are right to be wary. There is much bullshit. Be wary of me too, because I may be wrong. Make up your own mind after you evaluate all the evidence and the logic.”

“There is simply no other exercise, and certainly no machine, that produces the level of central nervous system activity, improved balance and coordination, skeletal loading and bone density enhancement, muscular stimulation and growth, connective tissue stress and strength, psychological demand and toughness, and overall systemic conditioning than the correctly performed full squat.”

“Ask Old Santa for a squat rack. Preferably one that won’t fit down the chimney. You can’t do the program without it, and that would leave you forever an elf.”

“Anyone who says that full squats are “bad for the knees” has, with that statement, demonstrated conclusively that they are not entitled to an opinion about the matter. People who know nothing about a topic, especially a very technical one that requires specific training, knowledge, and experience, are not due an opinion about that topic and are better served by being quiet when it is asked about or discussed. For example, when brain surgery, or string theory, or the NFL draft, or women’s dress sizes, or white wine is being discussed, I remain quiet, odd though that may seem. But seldom is this the case when orthopedic surgeons, athletic trainers, physical therapists, or nurses are asked about full squats.”

“Absolutely not. Never — and I mean NEVER — try anything that someone in authority, like Me, has not specifically approved in advance. This is not allowed, and is specifically prohibited, because if you do this irresponsible thing — this Trying Things For Yourself — you might learn on your own, and again, this is PROHIBITED…. Let me ask you a question: Are you from North Korea?”

“If nothing is wrong with your shoulders, benches are fine. But when someone asks me about rotator cuff injuries, I assume they’re not asking for their cat.”

“If you can’t train and work in a warehouse at the same time, you probably have ovarian cancer. Consult your gynecologist.”

“The vast majority of women cannot get large, masculine muscles from barbell training. If it were that easy, I would have them.”

“Okay, have you ever been around chickens? They are stupid, uncooperative, inconvenient, ill-tempered creatures. They get what they deserve. Fuck chickens.”

“Baby mammals drink milk, and you sir, are a baby mammal.”

“You must wear socks or workout pants on the Dead Lifts. We don’t want your DNA on the barbell.”

“There are few things graven in stone, except that you have to squat or you’re a pussy.”

“Soy milk is essentially Coffee-Mate laced with estrogen, and is best left to vegans and other socialist vegetarian types that can’t bring themselves to eat the completely natural-for-humans flesh of our friends the Animals but who have no trouble with slaughtering trillions of our other friends the Plants and processing — in gigantic factories run by multinational corporations with shareholders that eat meat themselves — very selectively chosen components of their poor little bodies into gooey shit that humans have never had an opportunity to adapt to digesting. Why, eating such material, with its high levels of isoflavones, touted by gynecologists as tantamount to Estrogen Replacement Therapy (ERT), will make you grow boobs, and this will screw up the clean lines of this fine young man’s Under Armor. I recommend against it.”

“Deadlifts that are too heavy to pull generally don’t take very long; the bar just kinda lays there. So if trying to move immovable objects was dangerous from the standpoint of stroke, the history of the human race would be littered with stupid people’s corpses.”

“Strong people are harder to kill than weak people, and more useful in general.”

“The only time LSD (long slow distance) is necessary is if your going to compete in a sport that requires it. It is far inferior to CrossFit-type metcon for producing an increase in VO2 max, it interferes with power and strength production, it can be quite catabolic and immune-suppressive in high doses, it destroys muscle mass, and the people that do it usually wear silly clothes. Read the stuff on the CrossFit website regarding this, and you will learn many good, important things.”

“We never consciously squeeze our asscheeks in the weight room. It’s not a valuable biomechanical cue, and it might get misinterpreted by the guys on the next platform.”

“You can’t make people smarter. You can expose them to information, but your responsibility stops there.”

Yoroshu ni

Mori

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Your Children Are Not Special

FIGHT_CLUB___Tyler_Durden_by_MovieGeek323

“You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”

This is for all of you out there who advocate everyone finding their own way, who say that everyone is unique and their diets should be too.

Each of you most certainly are unique… unless you’ve been doing the same thing as everyone else and getting the same results as everyone else.  That doesn’t quite qualify as unique, and if that’s your excuse…

yourre-fat-dr-phil-demotivational-poster

I mean really, ‘if it doesn’t work why fix it’?!  Who the fuck goes for that logic?

While we’re on the subject, don’t give me this shit about ‘you have to understand how people are’ and ‘people need a more understanding touch’.  These are just excuses to keep codling folks so we can have more milksop assholes who only think about themselves and their inner childs.  YES, I SAID CHILDS.  FUCK YOU.  People don’t need more gentle let-downs, more ego-soothing or more excuses:  you just don’t have the ovaries to tell them the truth.  Maybe I just have more faith in humanity than most: I think you can read a whole blog-post or a whole email,  and I think you CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH.  What you do with it from there is up to you, but we don’t have to be supportive of cake-eating just because you were having a bad day.

The truth is, if you’re having the same problems as everyone else and doing the same things as everyone else, you’re not fucking unique.  And oh-by-the-way, trainers hear this shit all the time, so your excuses aren’t even unique.  Either do the work you need to in order to fix yourself, or admit that you’re too weak to save your own fucking skin, plop yourself down on your couch and wait to die.

Sad Bill Hicks

“If you have children here tonight, and I assume some of you do, I’m sorry to tell you this, they are not special.”

Yoroshu ni

Mori

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